I sit down to write for the first time in months. Suddenly, all three kids need me right this second and now I cannot get my focus back. Hence the life of a writing mom.
The last few months have been very introspective. I have had a ton of time to think as I drive 8 hours between my house and my mother’s. Being away from my home and partner made this even more draining.
My focus has definitely narrowed on what is important. I am back to simplifying my life and strengthening the bonds that matter most to me. Hearth, home, family, and tribe are taking priority.
Reflection upon my relationship with my mother, father, and siblings has been heavy on my mind. The memories of being alone, not listened too, and unsupported have been difficult to sort thru.
In defense of my life at home I became the kid who was alone and tried to cultivate an image of a tough person. In reality I buried my soft sensitive nature underneath the “toughening up” my family told me to do. I smoked, cursed, and fought with the bullies. The worse of it was I projected judgement as I was expected to because when I spoke of being open minded and accepting I was punished.
However, in my private moments I wrote, read and dreamed of being free. I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of to be loved by my biological family. Eventually, I became my own person and embraced who I am regardless of my childhood teachings.
All the while I have used literature, writing, and art to find myself as well as a means of self expression. The next step is to be brave about my art and share it. I am sure it will be rocky as I find my public voice but I look forward to sharing thoughts, stories, and poems.
To the next phase of life, I welcome you.
Irisa aka Sassy Viking Mama